Thieving Hippo
Hippo’s Writing Challenge Winner!

Yay for another winner!

This time we have janedoodles who hit her goal! She had a great month, and managed to make me yell at my computer screen a few times when she told me what she was working on. (So mean to Garrus! In a very good way…)


What do you mean I leave for the airport in six hours and I haven’t packed yet? Tralalala! I can’t hear you!

New Fic: An Evening Out

Title: An Evening Out

Fandom: Mass Effect

Pairing: Garrus/Shepard

Rating: Explicit 

Summary: We’ll host a military ball, the Alliance said. It’ll be fun, they said. Luckily, Garrus and Shepard are quite good at making their own fun.

Notes: Happy Birthday, mynameiscloud! I know your birthday isn’t until Saturday, but I’ll be out of town without computer access for a few days. So you get an early present. 

When Cloud so kindly drew this amazing picture of Sonya and Garrus all dressed up for a military ball, I knew I had to put it into words. So here you go! Happy early Birthday!


Shepard couldn’t help but stroke the satiny material of the dress in front of her. “Traynor, you are genius,” Shepard said. “Remind me to give you a raise.”

Traynor beamed at the praise. “I adore dress shopping. Thank you so much for letting me do this.”

“You’re welcome to buy all of my clothes from now on,” Shepard said with a laugh. The crewmen around her in the CIC all seemed to strain to get a glimpse of what was going on. She’d be walking through soon enough. Let them gossip then. She zipped up the garment bag and threw it over her shoulder. “Thank you again, Traynor. I would never had time to shop for a dress in all of this.”

“Go get changed,” Traynor ordered. “You’re going to be late if you don’t hurry.”

Snapping off a salute, Shepard walked to the elevator. The door opened just after she palmed the console. Moments later, she let herself into her quarters. “Garrus?” she asked as she entered, wondering if he’d be there.

“In the ‘fresher,” he answered.

Shepard leaned against the open bathroom door, watching Garrus stand in front of the sink, staring into the mirror. He wore a pair of black, dark grey, and red trousers, but no shirt. Her eyes lingered on his shoulders, moving down to his waist. Knowing if she said anything, he would become embarrassed, Shepard simply allowed herself a moment to enjoy the view. Then she realized he held a device she hadn’t seen before, something that looked like a giant toenail clipper. “What are you doing?” she asked curiously. As a rule, Garrus almost always woke up before her, so Shepard wasn’t privy to his morning routine.

“Just trimming my fringe,” he said, placing the trimmer at the side of his face. “Was getting a bit too long for my liking.”

“Does it hurt?” Shepard asked.

Garrus shook his head. “No more than clipping my talons.” He pressed down and Shepard cringed at the sound, almost as bad as nails on a chalk board. He glanced her way then. “Why am I half dressed and you’re still in a BDU?”

Read the rest at Ao3!

Hippo’s Writing Challenge Winner!

Yesterday marked the last day of the writing challenge and a new winner!

kindervenom had a unique goal for the challenge, to write 350 words or draw every single day. And she made it! Every single day. By my count, she wrote over 9500 words!


I’m trying not to panic at how much I need to accomplish before I head to Las Vegas for a few days on Thursday. Why is it so easy to make videos of vorcha but so hard to do some quality adulting? 

Welcome to Hippo’s Blog!

Wow you guys like volus and vorcha. There have been a lot of new faces over the last three days, so have an intro post!

I’m Hippo. Hi! 

This blog is a bit of a hodgepodge of BioWare games, mainly Mass Effect, Dragon Age and swtor. I write lots of fic, post sound clips from Mass Effect and now apparently rant about how awesome all the non-council species in ME are. 

My ask box is always open and you can also reach me at Feel free to drop me a line anytime!

Here are some tags of note:

hippo writes fanfiction - All fanfic, whatever the fandom, gets posted under this tag

mass effect sound - I’ve extracted sound clips from all three Mass Effect games and post clips occasionally. (I do take requests, but I’m really slow with them because I’m a goober)

dragon age: inquisition spoilers - I’m not above some spoilers and like to discuss them. Here’s the tag I use if I do. 

Other than that, anything goes! I like to talk about my OCs, cry over headcanon and strive to make my tumblr a happy and welcoming place. 

Unless you talk smack about the volus. Then it’s on.

Real time footage of the Reaper’s invasion of the vorcha homeworld of Hestok. 

Read my passionate defense of the vorcha HERE

Anonymous said: Your mother is a vorcha and your father smelt of vorchaberries.


You want to talk smack about the vorcha, you best be prepared to back that shit up!

Fact or fiction? No one in the galaxy knows how the fuck the vorcha got off their planet. FACT. They don’t have space flight. They barely know how to read or write. Here’s what basically happened. A couple of vorcha stowed away on a traveler’s ship and then they spread all over the galaxy.

They are the fucking tribbles of the Mass Effect universe. Violent, primitive tribbles who don’t take shit from anyone.

And when I say anyone, I mean it. The damn Reapers came to their homeworld of Hestok and the vorcha barely blinked. The Reapers were reduced to basically running around the vorcha homeworld with the Benny Hill chase music blaring in the background. Why, you ask? Because the vorcha aren’t intimidated as a group. Unless a Reaper threatens them personally, they don’t give a shit. And for good reason.

They have the most unique biology in the entire galaxy. They’re made of non-differentiated cells, giving them regen abilities. You know that really annoying feeling when you shoot a vorcha in-game and they start regening right away? That’s how they roll.

Because of this, they can adapt to any environment or injury. Get burned? They grow thicker skin. Take away their water? Their bodies adapt to get moisture from the atmosphere. Lose a limb? They grow one back.

These fuckers are the living embodiment of the YOLO lifestyle. Did you know the vorcha only live until they’re about twenty years old? They have no government, they have no natural resources on their planet. All they do is fuck and fight.

But occasionally, other species will try to educate the vorcha to use them as skilled laborers. Not many want to take on the expense, though, when a vorcha’s lifespan is so short. But when they do, they can have amazing results.

Like the groups that helped in the Reaper War. That’s right. The vorcha helped. Even having no organized government and no space flight, the vorcha held their own in the war.

Let me tell you about the Void Devils Fight Wing. These badass pilots were co-trained by humans and turians. Once they’re given their target, they don’t stop until every fucker is dead. They’ve become legendary for their courage. Think about that. Races like the turians and krogan think these pilots are courageous.

Next there’s the vorcha labor team. Without them, the Crucible doesn’t get built. End of story. Goodbye galaxy, better luck next cycle. See, the Crucible was built on a planet that had no magnetosphere, which meant it was bathed in a shit ton of radiation. Good for keeping away the enemies, bad when you actually need to do work on the hull. But the Crucible had the vorcha, who had been trained for precision work. And because of their unique biology, they could work on the hull and heal themselves of the radiation poisoning as they did.

IN CONCLUSION: Don’t mess with the vorcha. What doesn’t kill them makes them stronger. Literally. 

Next up: the hanar

Hippo’s Writing Challenge Winner!

Today, it’s Miss Bee, theherocomplex!

The gal who organizes your Wednesday night sprints has reached her goal of 30,000 words for the month. Did you know during the last four days, she wrote more than 11,000 words, all probably guaranteed to break our hearts. Bee is a writing machine!

Congratulations on making your goal! :)

Anonymous said: Do you ever think you'll write Anders/Hawke smut? *bats eyelashes* Pretty please?

That is an interesting question, anon. I actually thought about this not too long ago, when I realized I really had no interest in writing Anders/Hawke smut. I think the reason is because writing straight smut (oh my god I almost wrote ‘a lemon’… I’ve been in fandom too long.) between a human male and human female kinda bores me.

My favorite pairings in BioWare games haven’t been human male/human female. Yes, they’ve all been male/female, but there’s been a twist. Garrus is an alien. Anelle is a dwarf. I really like exploring the differences between them and their partner and figuring out how things work. 

That being said, I could easily see myself writing Anders/Hawke/Justice. I hinted in A Voice of Bells and Thunder that the relationship between Hawke and Justice has evolved into one where sex might come into play. You involve Justice into their sex lives? Oh, then you have so many possibilities, with hurt feelings and consent issues. That is something I would be curious to write about.

But just Anders/Hawke? Probably won’t ever happen. I’m sorry if that’s not the answer you wanted to hear, anon!